![]() Someone who is codependent is often involved in other people’s business and they seek to control all environments they are exposed to. While my “let me water your grass” coping mechanisms were learned at home, they flourished at school. I couldn’t even bring myself to call my stepfather, David, “Dad” and he was the man who most deserved it. I remember calling him “Dad” one time as I fetched him from the neighbor’s house for dinner-he reminded me I wasn’t his child and referred to me a “stupid little prick.” One of a laundry list of bad memories that I filed under “why am I not good enough?” I never called another man Dad until met my own when I was 16-and even that was difficult-intellectually I knew he was my father-but we had zero relationship up to that point. Sometimes physically violent, but mostly he was just mean and yelled. I had to walk on eggshells for most of those years. Her boyfriend during that time was also an alcoholic. I grew up in an alcoholic home-my mother actively drinking until I was 7. Codependency is strongly linked to substance abuse. Let me unpack this personal “codependent” bag of mine a little further. And I had been unconsciously harboring resentment because of it. ![]() ![]() I had been so busy care taking for everyone in my life, for my entire life, that I had neglected to take care of myself. So many situations from my life suddenly made sense to me. It is no exaggeration to say that it changed my life. About 20 years AFTER I first heard of this “condition.” After processing SO MANY things with my therapist (see previous posts, I’ve been seeing once since the death of my biological father in 2014), I asked her if I might be Codependent-I think she clapped! I still didn’t fully understand it, but she gave me a book to read: “Codependent No More” by Melanie Beattie. A woman who frequented the meetings always introduced herself as “I’m _ alcoholic and codependent.” I remember asking my mother, who attempted to explain it to me, but without my frontal lobe being fully developed and my own substance abuse at the time I couldn’t truly understand what it was. I was a teenager and had zero clue what it meant. I first heard the term “codependent” in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting I attended with my Mom back in the 90’s. A codependent person thrives on being needed while simultaneously battling feelings of unworthiness, frustration, confusion, resentment, anger etc. They seek out relationships with partners or friends who are emotionally, mentally or physically available. Merriam Webster defines codependency as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another often controlling or manipulative person (such as a person with an addiction to alcohol or drugs).” In broad strokes this means that a person who is codependent relies on the needs of others-they need to feel needed-they are often the caretaker of others. When you are still an active codependent, or are a recovering codependent, it’s not that easy. Initially it sounds lovely! Focus on myself and make my life better?! I can do that! BUT. “Be so busy watering your own grass you won’t notice if your neighbor’s is greener” sounds like a horror show to a codependent. But I promise I’ll unpack it for you a little and explain why it’s important to understand, or at the very least, respect, the lens through which each of us is experiencing life. Recovering addict, codependent and adult child of an alcoholic.” Yeah, it’s a loaded introduction. Let me just reintroduce myself in case any of you are new here or have forgotten, “Hi, I’m Danielle. Essentially, what the post was INTENDED to mean was “take care of yourself and stop comparing your life to everyone else’s”. ![]() But for a recovering codependent with anxiety, NOTHING is EVER “just something.” Thus, the constant churning of thoughts and processing. It’s just something I shared on social media. I continued to mull it over pick it apart and put it back together. It stuck with me for days, but not in the way you’d think. At the time I thought “heck yeah!” and shared it. “Be so busy watering your own grass you won’t notice if your neighbor’s is greener” is a paraphrase of a quote/meme that I saw last week on social media.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |